Monday, April 18, 2011

A Chapter in my Life

  Going through my desk, I found a shared book of poetry. Join me as we take a look back to a chapter of my life. It was a somewhat short chapter, but will be a super long post with multiple poems. It sums up a past relationship with all kinds of emotions. The only good things that came out of it were these poems and a few friends that I met through him. With his permission, the poetry is written by Joe V Gonzalez III and myself. Mine in pink and his in blue. He gave me permission knowing that it could make him look like an a$$hole. Ha! The first one was actually written before the relationship, but later became the foundation. Oh, and just for the record, all emotions- as real as they were then, are now gone. So no love, no hate, just poetry. Enjoy and tell me what you think in the comments at the end.

~Mr. Right~
Mr. Right
not Mr. RightNow
i wish i knew how
to find him, right now
but they say that good things come
to those who wait
so i'm waiting on fate
to bring my soul mate
cuz a good man
is so hard to find
so i really wouldn't mind
if he
found me
cuz my love is free
if he could only see
how we could be
great together
my mate forever
forget the world
and all them girls
look into my eyes
and tell me no lies
the haters can cry
when i get mine
the good men could be scarce
but i will, if i might
have to fight
for my Mr Right
~Mrs. Right~
Mrs. Right,
I want a Mrs. Right now!
With all the shit I've been through
I know exactly what I want
And I want it right now!
I want her to knock me off my feet
I don't care if I fall down
I want her to be my queen in that seat next to me
Do I need to wish upon a star?
Do I need to travel to lands afar?
But, how far is too far?
Shit, I want a superstar!
I want her to be real, someone I would die for
Will I find her?
Will she find me?
Or will I just be lonely?
Will she be able to put up with me?
Will she fight for me?
Which direction do I go?
Do I wait or go searching for my special someone?
There is no time stamp
But, I refuse to wait!
I will stay on the grind until I find my dime!
But wait, she might be in front of me looking me in the eyes
So, I better recognize and open my eyes
I will never cease my search 
If I have to, I will fight
Until the end I will go, until I find my Mrs. Right.
~Your Lover~
You are so unique
from your head to your feet
from this way and that way
you make a girl wanna say
hey! can i holla at you?
make you my boo?
boy, do what you do
hold up, lemme wipe up this drool...
although you're one of a kind
don't pay them no mind
cuz you 'bout to be mine
we can wine and dine
relax and unwind
you can have my free time
but don't feed me no lines 
be honest and true
i'll always be, too
let me know if something's not cool
in the way i treat you
i'll be your girl till we're older
we can cuddle when it's colder
make hot love til we smolder
put your arm round my shoulder
baby, the hunt is over
you won't need another
i'll be your lover.
~Ultimate Lover~
Inside and out, as I run through your mind
On the way by I'll stop by for a chat with your heart
Your entire being, physical and not
You were mine right from the start
If you want it, you can have my heart
You can have my body, my mind, and my soul
Nothing will be able to compare to how we're about to indulge
Every scene carefully scripted in my head
Your body and mine strategically making a mess of the bed
Our interactions is a cause for celebration
Your style, the way you move, intrigues me
Your gentle kisses, how you smile at me
I just want to be your everything
When our tongues connect
I'll move down to your neck
As you lay, just relax
I'm about to do your body in every which way I can
Truthful and honest, these things I will be
Shit, how often does a man come across a woman like Mimi?
The visions of our endless nights are about to become reality 
I'm going to give you my all
So, here we go
It's just me and you blinding one another
I promise, I will be your ultimate lover...
So easy to say
but so complex a feeling
three simple words
contain complicated meaning
it's overwhelming
this feeling, so emotional
it's giving of one's self
it's unconditional
it's accepting who we are
with each and every fault
the opening of our hearts
to free the secrets of our vaults
i want so much
to have my love declared
you're everything i could ever need
buy i'm still so scared
it leaves us vulnerable - 
a risk i'm willing to take
to find my true knight
i must sort through all the fake
with all my battle wounds
i hope you'll be the one that's pure
to say those three words
i have to be completely sure
i too have a wish - 
a lifetime of love
that true, pure, everlasting, free,
unconditional, agape love.
~Those Words~
What leads us to say those words?
Is it at first site?
Is it lust, infatuation?
Does it come after sexing a few times
How long should I wait
How patient is too patient
A beautiful face appears
Butterflies follow
My soul is no longer hollow
It may be confusion
Shyt, it may be an illusion
I want the spoils of love
Deep down in my soul where only her and God dwell
To be put in a trance-like state
To be able to close my eyes and know this is fate
An unbelievable feeling
To be cherished so immaculately
It's heaven on earth to say the least
To experience that urge to say those wordz
It's like opening a can of kisses and hugz
I can't wait to miss my love
To be blessed by the one above
But wait, this can all be just a blur
A made up dream with no happy ending
But I will endure
Those wordz will be mine to grab and to hold
A lifetime of love is what I'm wishing for...
~The Knight~
Your knight
Shining, at times blinding
Powerful, full of everything you have ever wanted
Your wishes, your dreams
All of them granted
I'm the last man standing
I'm here for the rescue
I'm here to save you
By my side you will stand
My queen, my desire
We'll walk hand and hand
Never ashamed to show my woman that I'm her man
Down to one knee, that's the plan
The perfect woman will bare my name
Be my pillar of strength
We'll be a display for all to perceive
An exquisite pair oblivious to anyone who doesn't care
Obstacles, all of them conquered
Together, a force of nature
Together, the makings of perfection
With you by my side
I'm the winner, I'm the champion
The king of all kings
The happiest man alive
You understand what I'm saying 
So let's go, let's ride
You and me, until the end of all times...
~The Knight~
He stands in the light
so strong and so proud
he'll fight for his queen
in front of any crowd
he's not scared of a challenge
not scared of defeat
he's brawny, he's brilliant
he is so complete
he'll always stand by me
through the good and the bad
the ups, the downs,
the happy and sad
he'll never have to lie
or cheat or ignore me
because i am his woman 
my man will adore me
partners in life
together we'll face it
nothing can stop us
no one can replace him
he is my king
so gallant and noble
so dashing and handsome
yet witty and humble
he is my rock
he makes everything right
he's more than a man 
he is my Knight
~I Feel~
I feel 
so happy that i've found you
you're sweet and you're kind
and i always wanna be around you
you light up my days
and i dream of you as i sleep too
i hope you'll forever be mine
i wonder, will you let me keep you?
sometimes i feel
so alone when you're away
i could be surrounded by people
but it's just not the same
i miss your touch,
your kiss, your hug,
the way that you laugh,
even how you call me "mug"
even just for a day 
you got me missing you, see
that's how i know
you mean so much to me
but sometimes i feel
like i'm not good enough for you
why choose me
when you can have anyone you want to?
someone once told me
i should never feel that way for any man
i know this is true
and i deserve the very best man
but we can't help how we feel
they come and they go
so i'll just sit back
and go with the flow.
~Tell Me~
Would you tell me if you were tired of me,
or just let me fall into your background?
would you tell me if you don't want me,
or just keep me hangin around?
would you tell me if you changed your mind,
if i'm not your and you're not mine,
if i'm not what you really want
you know with me there's no need to front
i'd rather know than be strung along
i don't want to be a played out song
don't tell me things i want to hear
if that's not what you wanna say
tell me something true and real,
this ain't no game, don't play
i've been lied to too many times
had too much drama and too many sad rhymes
don't hide your feelings to protect mine
i'm grown and sexy, don't need to hear lines
i don't want a fake nigga
i need something bigga
i need a real man, not scared of truth
a man who can tell me he got nothin to lose
so tell me, can you man up?
just grab your dick and stand up!
will you tell me how you really feel?
if you need some space, that's no big deal
talk to me, take off that mask
your honesty is all i ask
this is me, and i understand
things don't always go as planned
but when you tell me that you don't want me,
it's not just for you, but for me too
cuz baby, if you don't want me,
then, nigga, i don't need you!
~Some Love~
he wasn't there for me
in my moment of need
sometimes i need some lovin
cuz i think my heart bleeds
from all the scars and bruises
of the cuts and slashes
it's been thrown here and there
i've got holes and lashes
some days i cry
for no reason at all
maybe i absorb hate and sadness
it's heavy, so i fall
i could be down for days
all i need is someone to lift me
that someone may not even know
the gift they would give me
with just one hand
or maybe a hug
to take away my blues
i just need some love.
~Special Friend~
Fresh out of something deep
I was all the way in
The shyt was skin deep
But it failed and I was hurt,
Even bitter I needed time to mend
But instead I met another and jumped right into it
I'm a stubborn man, hard-headed I don't want to hurt you
Have I recovered from my last?
Not a chance!!
I may need more time to heal
I may need time alone
I may need room for my mind to clear
For my heart to start over
A heart that is torn
Still feels deeply for one
But really, really likes the other
So much traffic occurring
Family, work, my living arrangement
It's hard to explain it
My time is limited
And honestly, you deserve all of it
But, I don't have that much to offer
With everything going on
I don't know what I have to offer
To be true to you, that is what I intend
But labels, maybe we should just be special friends? 
Just for the sake of our feelings
Would that be enough for you? 
Can we just be Special Friends???
~Too Good~
i gotta give you your props
cuz your game is tight
matter of fact, it's too good
but that shit ain't right
what was really too good 
was how you made me feel
it was one big illusion
but it felt so real
you put so many words
and thoughts in my head
you're just too good
with all them lines i was fed
you made me believe
that you cared for me
that i was special to you
guess the joke is on me
i treated you too good
i opened up too fast
thought you mighta been different
thought we had something to last
i left myself open
to be hurt by too good
cuz now you wanna do you
so i'll do me like i should
you say you still want me
but you don't want the label
so basically you want
people to know that you're single?
you don't make any sense
so it must not be sensible
i tried to get answers
but i'll save you the trouble
i'm sure you can explain it
but you're not being fair
you haven't done anything
to show that you care
so in your actions i know
i'm not important to you
are you too good to have me?
you'd like that to be true
how can you be there for me
when you're not here right now?
we went from so much to nothing
expectations?? wow..
did i really ask for too much?
sound like you want no strings attached
i'm too good for "special friend"
plus, i got better options for that
i guess you were too good to be true
but let me tell you this, boo
you're not too good for me
i'm too good for you!
~So Sick~
I hate you
you make me so sick
you walk around like everything's cool
like you're a star, like you're the shit
do you get off
on playin with people's heads?
is that what gets you hard? 
do you think about that in bed?
or do you think about the last chic
or maybe the next one
do you think at all?
is this your idea of fun?
well, you sick fuck,
the game is over for me
i went thru all your stages
i laughed, cried, now i'm angry
you're a devil in disguise
just like the last nigga
i let you trick me and deceive me
you ain't a man, it fuckin figures
i keep fallin for the same shit
but this time - lesson learned
i'm tired of being lied to
i'm tired of being burned
you ain't nothin new
and you really ain't shit
you're a selfish liar and a coward
and you make me so sick!
~Only a Dream~
I was in a dream for a few months
so incredibly real
it was a perfect picture of love
you don't know how he made me feel
everything was so fairy tale
so beautiful so right
i thought i may have found
my shining armored knight
when he told me to wake up
i didn't understand why
why didn't he want me to stay?
my heart hurt, so i cried
i cried for a week
and that's not even me
to stress over a dude??
it's actually silly
the man of my dreams
is only a myth
he was never real
he doesn't exist
i can't live in my dream
and i can't make him real
all i can do
is sit back and chill
i'll face the world alone
i'll be my own knight
i'll be my own king
i'll fight my own fights
no one is truly there
like i am for me
i'll never let me down
only i can set me free
i'm fee of not knowing
cuz i know how i be
no questions unanswered
no minds to read
i can only go forward
it's just me on this team
gotta wake up and keep telling myself
it was only a dream.
so... you flipped the script
and just wanna be friends?
well that's cool, i guess
i knew one day it'd come to an end
i still wonder why
you threw me to the side
cuz for me, you were top of the list
my number one guy
but now all that has changed
in my mind you're like a stain
i can't get you out
i wanna spray you with some Shout
but you're slowly fading
and soon you'll be gone
you'll soon be just a memory
one of many who did me wrong
i don't know what you think a friend is
cuz that's definitely not you
when it comes to being a friend
you haven't go t a clue
i know i've made it hard
but that would never stop a friend
one who truly cares
would lift me up, help me mend
but not joe shmo
he's the star of the show
too self absorbed to notice
that he's steppin on toes
so now i say my goodbyes
now that i can see clear
you ain't a friend of mine
my friends dried up my tears.
~I'm Sorry~
For what it's worth I'm sorry!
All the tears
I can't help but be sorry
Behind the scenes, I was filled with sorrow
I wish I had a couple years to borrow
But, it's already too late
Happiness has caught up with you
But I promise you
You will always be my Boo
The truth, I was close, almost fell
But, all of me wasn't available
I couldn't cheat you
You deserved more
I never meant for you heart to hit the floor
At times I miss you
And I do still care about you
I want to see you happy
Actually, I'm happy that you're happy
I'm just sorry for everything that happened
The times we had I don't regret
Filled with laughs, holding hands
Sweet kisses, dancing
I remember the bread store
Our morning workouts
It's just sad that somethings don't work out
You're totally beautiful
Even you attitude
One of the realest females I know
My attraction to you is still there; I want you to know
When I'm near it's hard to keep my hands off
It's hard for my lips not to connect; stay away from your neck
I just want you to know that I got your back
Call whenever you want to chat
We can even chill and take things back
Just ask and I'll do for you
From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry Boo...
~You're Sorry~
Now you want a reply
when it took you a year?
you could've tried harder
when you had me in tears
so now it's "i'm sorry"?
you're as sorry as they come
but i'm the one who's sorry
for being so dumb
i let you in my special place
knowing you were still a stranger
gave you benefit of doubt
ignored the sign that said Danger!
but you know what you did
i don't have to repeat
i accept your apology
i've accepted defeat
i'll stop being mean
we can even be homies
we can be cool
talkin bout your chicks and your ronies
i want you to know 
i do appreciate
your apology, your reply
even though it's madd late
i wasn't gonna write back
but decided to stop being stank to you
so for your letter and the lesson 
i just wanted to say thank you.

1 comment:

Joe Gonzalez said...

Those words were intense to say the least.. Anyone can actually envision the story just by reading through them, crazy... I'm glad we wrote them tho... You were kinda hard on me but its kool I deserved Just glad we can actually look back and be kool about it... JVG III